The following testimony is from Phillip Hovis, who is a member of CRBC’s Celebrate Recovery group. Phillip has given CRBC special permission to publish his testimony, in the hope it might help others. He runs Prodigal Son Prison and Jail Ministry, based here in Oklahoma City.

My name is Phillip Hovis. I’m a believer of Jesus Christ, and I struggle with life after a 29-year drug addiction, four trips to prison and the massive destruction that comes with the territory. As of now, I have been drug free 14 years, five months, 21 days, two hours and 45 minutes. But who’s counting? One day at a time…

I won’t give a chronological order of my life. However, much of my life will play out as we focus on the 12 Steps on the “Road to Recovery.” You will also see that after my Salvation experience, I will be walking out the 12 steps as I walk out my salvation.

Step One. We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.

I guess I knew about Step One before I ever knew about the 12 Step Program. I started to use drugs at age 13. I was young and unlearned about the results of continuing to use drugs over the years. After a few years, I sure saw the unmanageable part of my life. I couldn’t keep a job, I took no part in raising my kids – my whole waking hours were spent on the next high.

During the first 20 years or so, I was convinced I could stop anytime. I told myself today would be the last day and wondered what just one more would hurt. Does that sound familiar to you? Upon my initial salvation in 1993, (I say “initial” because Jesus was my Savior, but not my Lord at that point), I came to the realization that I was powerless on my own to stop. I knew in my heart that with God all things are possible. Due to a lack of discipleship and prevailing circumstances, I fell back in the pigpen.

Step One: Realize I’m powerless over certain problems.

After a few more years in the “outhouse”, I was reminded of Step Two.

Step Two: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Following the next few years after my initial salvation, this step played out in my mind over and over. The years 1993 to 1997 were the worst of my life. I had tasted of the Holy Spirit after being saved and had walked with him for a few months and knew how good that time had been. I remembered what it was like when I was riding in the car with God and how life really changed after I decided to return to the pigpen. I had so much condemnation. (Always remember, condemnation is from the enemy. The Holy Spirit uses conviction.) I couldn’t fit in with Christians, but couldn’t be around the dopies. Better to never have known him than to know him and walk away. All this time between salvation and surrender (May 27, 1997) was the worst time. I would hear a verse of Scripture or part of a hymn, and hot burning tears would trickle down my cheeks. I knew God was the answer, but thought he wouldn’t take me back. Know the Word and what it says about repentance and forgiveness.

Step Two: God has the restoring power we want (need).

Step Three: We made a decision to turn over our wills and our lives to the care of God.

On my way to court on May 27, 1997, on my way back to prison for the fourth time, I made a decision to give it all to him. I was getting ready to receive eight years on possession of methamphetamines, eight years possession of LSD, eight years possession of marijuana, and one year for possession of drug paraphernalia – all to run concurrently. Instead of doing the master blaster shot of dope I had ready to do right before I walked in front of the judge to receive my time, I heard him speak into my heart, “It’s time to make good on that promise.” That promise was one I had made so many times. “God, pull me through this and I’ll be a Christian.” So – I took the shot of dope and squirted it into the dirt instead of my arm. I was so relieved.

Step Three: Decide to turn and turn over.

Step Four: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

As I came down off the drugs over the next few days, I was able to do some self-examination. I had never been one for plans or being organized. I knew that now I was being real with God and was on my way to facing prison time, I needed to have a direction. I asked God to take me by the hand and walk me through this. Immediately, I had to forgive and forget people I was angry with, and had to start working with people instead of trying to control my situation. I had made a mess of my life and was ready for God to take the steering wheel I had jerked away from him. I started doing every Bible study I could get my hands on. I wanted to know how to fit in God’s plan and be in his will. I did this initially with the B-I-B-L-E: basic instructions before leaving earth. I knew I had a lot of messes to start working on while God worked on me. According to the Thesaurus, “fearless” also means bold, daring, confident, undaunted, unflinching and gutsy. “Inventory” can be checklist, record, tally, account and description.

Step Four: Make a fearless inventory.

Step Five: We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

I started walking out step five unknown to me. I had admitted I was a sinner in need of a Savior, but hadn’t been very specific. I can’t tell you how specific He wants each of us to be, but for me, it got a little more detailed. My job at the prison was Chapel Library Clerk. Between checking out materials to the other inmates, I had a lot of spare time. (That happens a lot in prison.)

During my spare time, I was feeding on the Word and any other Christian books I could read. Many times, while in the middle of reading session, God would bring to memory a different situation from my past. I would see a vivid picture in my mind and wasn’t able to shake it until I stopped, confessed and repented about that given time. Once I did this, it has never returned to my mind. By going through this process, I was admitting to God and to myself the exact nature of my wrongs. Only years later am I coming to the part about admitting to another human being…I am working on the 12 Steps on Wednesday nights, and we are on Step Four. I will be doing this with my sponsor. Part of this step requires delving into painful memories from my past, but God has blessed me with someone I feel free to share with for the first time in my life. I learned something from another man about this step: It’s easiest to lay out the largest and worst wrongs first. After that, the rest is easier. It will be small stuff.

Step Five: Admit our exact wrongs.

Step Six: We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

It has taken me a long time to realize that it wasn’t just the drugs that caused all of my misery for so long. I had character defects long before the drugs came along. Just because I got saved, it doesn’t mean that I don’t still have some character defects. Yes, I had fire insurance at the moment of salvation, but I still had and still have character defects. If we are made whole at salvation, then why do we have the Scripture about the “transforming of our minds” where Paul says, “He is not yet what he should be”? If anyone can stand up and tell me they no longer have any character defects, I would like to meet him.

Step six is an ongoing process as are the rest of the steps. Like the 12 Step gold coin says, “I’m on the road to recovery.” It doesn’t say, “I’m here at the end of the road waiting on you to get here.” God won’t come and slap the character defects out of us, but when we’re ready to have him remove them, he will. One at a time.

Step Six: Get ready for God to work in us.

Step Seven: We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Once we have admitted and gotten ready for him to come in and do his work in us, we humbly submit ourselves before him and ask him into our lives for a little time of recreating. I never knew exactly what he expected of me or what his plans for me were. As I submitted to him for direction, he took my hand and led me. I wanted him to take everything out of me that wasn’t from him. Like the ever popular saying – WWJD – What Would Jesus Do? If you ever ask that question, just close your eyes and try to picture Jesus doing whatever is in question. If you can’t picture Jesus doing it, then neither should you.

Step Seven: Humbly ask God to make the changes he wants in us.

Step Eight: We made a list of all people we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

Of my many shortcomings, a big one was asking for and giving forgiveness to others. I had burned a lot of bridges along the way. Sound familiar? I knew I had to do a lot of forgiving.

First to my family and friends – they were the first in line to haul my many ill-gotten possessions out to the dope house to get themselves a fix. My parents were at the top of my “ask for forgiveness” list. I hadn’t been an ideal son, to say the least.

I found my list growing really big as I worked through these steps. As I wrote it out on paper, I had a chance to really look at where I stood. I had at least three pages of people of whom to apologize.

Step Eight: Make a list for amends.

Step Nine: We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

I thank God for his Holy Spirit who prompted me in this area. I knew what a horrible son I had been, and I knew I had some apologies to make. I set out and wrote my Dad a letter asking for forgiveness and telling him about my new found spiritual life. He was in a nursing home and in the late stages of Alzheimer’s. Whether or not he understood, I don’t know. He died six months into my incarceration. The same situation was with my Mom. I wrote several letters telling her how sorry I was now that I was a Christian. She was able to comprehend my words, but didn’t put much stock into them. After all, I had told everyone back in 1993 that I was a Christian and was going to do the right thing. She died that following year while I was still in prison. Through that, God showed the truth to step nine. I was finally at a point in my life that I could have looked them in the eye and said, “I’m sorry.” But I never had the chance. From that point on, even until now, I take those amends very seriously. I also – while listing those I need to make amends to – required some extra sheets of paper while doing my inventory.

Step Nine: Make amends to others.

Step 10: “We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, we promptly admitted it.”

This step is an ongoing step. We will never stop being wrong from time to time. I have been known to omit the “promptly admitting it” part. I have learned over the past few years that it is better to keep my account short with God. What I mean is that I need to confess my sins promptly and not let them accumulate for my monthly Repentance Report. I have also found that if I’m carrying something around I have done to someone or that someone has done to me, before long it becomes a heavy load.

This is a key to recovery – getting rid of our hurts, habits and hang-ups at the first notion and not letting them accumulate. I love the Scripture that coincides with this step: “So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!” 1 Corinthians 10:12. By doing a continual inventory, I have a chance to see where I’m coming up short, and this gives me time to deal with it now, today. Remember how I talked about never getting to personally apologize to my parents? The step says to promptly admit it. I try to always remember that if I have someone who needs to hear from me, that today may be my last chance.

Step 10: Continue inventory: Prompt admission

Step 11: “We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and power to carry that out.”

Would you like to have the knowledge of His will in your life? To know His will for my life, there are two major sources I use. Prayer and the Word. While I was in prison, I spent a lot more one-on-one time with Him than I do now. I could feel Him right there beside me all the time. There are times today when I know we are only in the same general area, and it’s because I have removed myself from his immediate presence by choosing not to sacrifice other things in my life that take me away from Him. Like the steering wheel illustration. When I grab the steering wheel instead of letting Him have complete control, I don’t always end up where I should be. I remember Pastor Bohanon talking about how he had been praying this way like step 11 says “Only for knowledge of His will for us and power to carry that out.” That’s a very powerful prayer! If we are seeking and following His will, we are in great shape. And yes, it takes power to follow His will. For me, His will isn’t always the easiest or most convenient. Sometimes I just flat rebel against it. Thank God no one else has that problem!

Step 11: Seek God’s will and power

Step 12: “Having had a spiritual experience as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in our affairs.”

This step is a very important one. This is where we tell others, “He did it for me, and He’ll do it for you!” I love sharing my testimony about how Jesus took me from the outhouse to the palace. From the guttermost to the uttermost. I was able to give my testimony at a big Baptist church the first month I had gotten out of prison. I don’t know who was more scared, them or me! Since that day, I have shared with several thousand the love and mercy of Christ. I’ve shared in most of the prisons in Oklahoma, and some in Arkansas. Sometimes it’s easier talking to the inmates as they tend to be less judgmental than the church-folk!

When we follow these steps, we will have a spiritual experience. Remember step three? “Consciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ’s care and control.” When I surrendered my life to Christ, these 12 steps started playing out before my very eyes, even before I knew about Celebrate Recovery or its 12 steps. It is so awesome to see how the 12 steps and Christianity walk together hand in hand, like the way Jesus and I walk hand in hand.

Step 12: Carry the message to others.

If you would like more information on Celebrate Recovery or the 12-step classes, please contact Sue Ellen Ferguson at ferguson@councilroad.org or 789.3175.